Day 165

Some of the girls at work have noticed that I’ve lost weight, that I’m looking healthy. (YAY! Non scale victory!) naturally they wanted to know how I’m doing it. “What’s your secret? What diet are you on? What workouts are you doing? Are you doing the apple cider vinegar thing?” Ew. No. The secret is there is no secret. The fitness industry makes millions of dollars perpetuating the hope that there is a secret, a magic pill, just one little thing we’re all missing, and it’s just not true. The key is listening to your body. Give yourself permission to eat. Give yourself permission to eat. Move your body in any way that you can commit to doing regularly. Something you actually enjoy, something that challenges you but does not hurt you. If there’s any secret it’s this: be consistent.  

You didn’t get 10,20,30,100 pounds overweight in a day, so do not expect to lose that much weight in a day! My friend showed me a magazine article that said: “Lose 10LBS in 24hrs!” It’s this kind of sick, predatory nonsense that keeps us at war with our bodies. If these articles speak to you, step away. It is not meant to help you. It is meant to dig you deeper and deeper into self hate and is just one stepping stone on an endless path of lies and trickery. If this or the scale or calories or your measurements have a hold on you, fuck it. Don’t weigh yourself if it makes you want to give up. Don’t read the magazines if you deeply desire to look like the girl in the magazine (pst, she doesn’t even look like that!) Don’t count calories if it launches you into an obsessive pattern of always thinking about food and stressing about how much less you can eat. Do not spend another second at war with your body. You will reach your goals, provided they are realistic and safe for your body, with time and consistency. 

This is a hard lesson to learn. I know it in my heart, it’s always in the back of my mind, yet it is so tempting to log just a little bit less food each day. It’s tempting to listen to beautiful people on instagram who sell fat burners. But don’t. Turn away. Listen to your body when it tells you to move, to eat, to rest. That is all you need. You are all you need. 

So sweaty. So good. 


Day 159

My phone – my sweet, sweet, pristine, otter box protected phone…is gone forever. It was an LG G4 and it got stuck in a boot loop. No geek squad could revive her. She fought the good fight. May she rest in pieces. 

That means all the pictures I had for this week’s post are no more. 😦 that means I’m using an iPhone. *shutter* 

Anyhoo.. regardless of the incident I’ve had a great week! I’ve been working out consistently and staying on point with my eating habits, even to the point of lying about having allergies to my boss to get out of eating pizza. I told him I was allergic to gluten, soy, dairy and…peanuts!? What was I thinking!! I love peanuts! 😦 

I wouldn’t usually do this – I believe in food freedom and not feeling confined to rules and restrictions. It’s a lifestyle, and that means long term habits not short term suffering. People can be really pushy though, and that day I just really wasn’t feeling it – I’ve been avoiding dairy and it’s felt good! I didn’t want to know what a big glob of pizza cheese might feel like after so long without so I said no. (Politely) He insisted, so I made up some allergies. I’m a weirdo, I know. 

I have hit a small weight loss plateau – I’ve been stuck at the same 224.4 for a few days after dipping down to 223 last week. I’m making some adjustments, and will be eating a smidge more, while lifting a little heavier. 

It is so important not to starve yourself when/if you see this happen. If you stop seeing/feeling results, the answer is almost never to eat less, especially if you’re using my fitness pal which generally keeps your calories around your BMR rate – meaning you’re only eating enough to keep your body alive at a cellular level. That doesn’t do much good for your metabolism and it certainly does not support your goals. Give yourself permission to eat! 

**i am not a registered dietitian**

Day 153

Helloooo June!! 

Sometimes you just need some good old fashioned vitamin sea. 

Aaaaand sometimes that results in a wicked sunburn…

It’s alright though, because now it’s a golden tan! πŸ’

I had a lovely time back home, soaking up the sun and seeing my friends/family. Since my BF doesn’t have work or school right now he decided to stay and keep visiting on the island, so I get the apartment to myself and lots of time to hang out with my momma! 

Such a 180 from last week. I feel energized and alive, and happy to be so. Life doesn’t feel like a mere pla- 

(i feel you, Pheobe) 

Life feels good again – like there is a fully spelled out p-l-a-n. 

Some of us can’t fly by the seat of our pants. I need to know what’s going on. 

I never thought I would be this way. I always tried to be “wild and free” until I finally accepted things about myself that aren’t so easy to accept. I’m anxious. I need a plan…daily, monthly, yearly. I like spreadsheets and data points. I once made a powerpoint presentation on why I thought it was a good idea to get a pet goat!

 I think of myself as “type B” easy-going, but there’s a little hamster on a wheel inside me that propells the “type A” tightly wound soul within me. And that’s okay. 
Check out the glorious noms I had back at home: 

Feta watermelon salad, bbq chicken and salad, cobb salad, salmon burger with side salad. 

Salad? Salad. (salad)
In the month of may I lost 8lbs!! May starting weight: 232 May end weight: 224. Yay me! 

It’s so important to stay focused even when you feel down. That’s what helps to lift you out. Know what you truly want, be relentlessly focused and nothing can stop you. 

Here’s to June!

Day 148

Last week was awesome and awful all at once. I really struggled mentally. I’m not going to diagnose myself with clinical depression, but basically I felt intense heartache for no reason, could not focus at work, felt unbearable anxiety at the thought of answering the phone at work and cried at the drop of a hat. 

Life is hard for me. 

And yet I’m still here. This is just part of my life and I know that no matter how horrible I feel, it will pass. The good always outweighs the bad. This too shall pass. 

Despite my mental state I made it to the gym, stuck to the foods that make me feel good rather than turning to my self sabotaging old habits and even went for a wonderfully soothing swim! 


I’m proud of myself. As my pal Dory says: 

I’m back home for the weekend, visiting friends and family and soaking up as much sun and beautiful island nature as I possibly can! Life is good. Life is worth living. ❀

Day 143

Summer is in full bloom! After a winter of ice and snow that lasted way longer than usual, it is a relief to see the light of day! I never really realized before but it really does effect my mood. The past few days I’ve been waking up with the sun, and going to sleep with the moon. It’s been an awesome natural cycle that has restored my energies and my endorphins. Haha! 
Kettle bell swings last week really irritated an old sciatica injury so I’ve been laying off a bit, going for long walks in the sunshine and working on upper body stuff. There’s a rec centre near work with a pool and lots of outdoor net ball activities! I signed up today after work and got my first workout in. Back and biceps plus 20 mins cardio on the bike/rowing machine. 

I was very careful not to aggrivate my back or bum, which is not something I usually would have done. In the past when I had workout injuries I “pushed through” and kept going despite the pain. That’s how I ended up with an immobile big toe from continuing to do burpees without shoes even though it hurt like a bitch because “no pain no gain” and now its always sore and makes it quite difficult to run! Soooooo to save myself from a possible lifetime of horrific sciatica pain, I shall be seeing a chiropractor tomorrow. πŸ™‚

Be safe kids! πŸ˜›

Day 135

Hello! I’ve been on a mini social media break. I needed to reassess my goals, my values and what I’m truly striving for.Β  I consumed no Instagram, no Facebook, no Pinterest and no YouTube for 5 days.Β  I needed to cut the shit – stop following girls who are trying to sell me something, stop looking obsessively at unrealistic bodies and feeling shitty about mine, stop listening to my own excuses and just eat and move the way that actually makes me feel good.Β In short, rather than continuing on and on talking about wanting to change, I surgically removed my head from my ass, and here I am to tell the story.

In just a few days of true introspection, I worked out consistently every day, doing what I wanted to do. Running, walking, kettlebells , HIIT. Those are the things I love – the things that feel like playing, not an ominous punishment, not something I dreaded every single day.Β  These are things that I do without trying, without thinking, because I want to.

The same is true of eating. I learned a lesson in perspective: stop thinking of food as good and bad, think of it as a spectrum of healthy to less healthy. Choose according to your goals, or however the fuck you happen to feel at that moment in time.

I don’t like breakfast, its decided. I like fruit, I like veggies, I like big dinners and small lunches. Sugar makes me feel gross, foggy, irritable. Bread doesn’t bother me in any way shape or form. I like meat, but not too much. I like cheese but it makes me seriously constipated. Yoghurt makes me feel good! Milk makes me feel like shit. I will never, ever stop eating bananas or peanut butter. I don’t like feeling hungry, and I don’t like feeling stuffed, so I listen to my body and eat when I’m hungry, and stop when I’m not. Its not rocket science! You just have to know and respect the way your body works.


I used to have a huge list of goals:

  • Lose 100lbs
  • Run a marathon
  • Eat Keto
  • Do a boudoir photo shoot
  • Wear a size 6

All of these lofty goals are fine…I guess… but from where I’m standing, they are completely unattainable.

Lets start with lose 100lbs: what am I doing today, every day, to get me closer to this goal? Am I even trying to lose one pound? No. Not really. So how can I expect to lose 100 if I’m not even taking steps towards losing one.

Run a marathon. That’s 26km. Can I run 5km comfortably? No. Am I working towards getting better at running? Building endurance? Stamina? Strength? No. So that marathon “goal” is just a dream without a plan.

Eat Keto. As in 5% carbs, 20% protein and 85% fat. Fuck that. Nope. Not doing it. It doesn’t work for me. I don’t like it. I want fruit and vegetables. Some chick on instagram lost 100lbs on a ketogenic diet? GREAT! That’s awesome I’m so happy for her.Β I’m not doing it.

Do a boudoir photo shoot. Okay… I really do actually want to do this, but it scares me. I’ll do it, eventually… but it is scary.

Wear a size 6. Never in my life, not even in middle or high school did I wear a size 6. I have hips and an ass, and I like that. Its not about a number. Get over it!

Ask yourself every day “are the choices I’m making today getting me closer to where I want to be tomorrow?” That’s your perspective. That’s your motivation.



Cut the shit, listen to your body. No diets. No secrets. Just work and dedication.


Image result for enlightened gif



Day 129

This is the face of a girl who just completed an intense 30 minute HIIT with my boi Millionaire Hoy! His videos are still on YouTube but he is seeking support on Patreon to keep his content free! If you like his workouts, maybe support him! 

Millionaire Hoy’s Patreon page
I’ve finally been working out on a consistent basis, about 3-4x per week, which is less than I’d like, but is what is manageable for me as I continue to settle into my new gig. I’m tripping up on my eating habits lately though, and I think its because I start work later in the day (9 or 10am, I’m accustomed to being at work by 7:30am) so I’m actually finding myself getting hungry in the morning! Whaaat!? 

A long time ago, a friend who I looked up to very much in body and mind told me that the healthiest way to eat was like an upside down triangle where your biggest meal of the day is breakfast and it tapers down to your smallest meal being dinner. This friend was the healthiest person I knew at the time and I took her word as gospel. 

I made myself sick. Physically ill. Every morning. I could not eat breakfast. 

But…on the other side of the coin, I would skip breakfast, eat a mini lunch, then binge from the time I got home to the time I went to sleep. Also very very not healthy. 

So where is the balance? 

I have discovered that I cam definitely stomach food in the morning if I am eating later in the morning, around that 9 or 10 mark. I’m also finding that not having to be somewhere by 7:30am lets me have a better sleep which gives me amazing sustained energy throughout the day. I’m not crashing, I’m not reaching for coffee – it actually has been making me way more jittery than usual – and I have a burning desire to workout daily. 

I’m still making some poor food choices, not because of cravings but due to either extreme PM hunger or poor planning – not keeping prepped food in the house. 

Do you see the reason they call this a journey? It’s about getting to know yourself and what really truly works for you. It’s called a “lifestyle” because it’s not a temporary fix. It’s discovering what is sustainable for you, meaning you will be able to maintain it for more than 2 or 3 weeks at a time. 

Obviously I’m still on this journey! But the pieces really feel like they are starting to fall into place. The dust is settling. I’m finding my way. ❀